The Impact Of Positive Conversations
By Dr. William K. Larkin on February 20, 2012
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This sounds like a very non-formidable subject. Positive conversations. We all have them. Or do we? How many truly positive conversations do you have? How many conversations do you have that don’t run out and go down a path of something that is wrong or negative or discouraging in your world or the world in general?
The most powerful mechanism of learning is conversation. A teacher knows that learning has begun when the conversation about what is being taught begins.
Think about it. What is the quality of your conversation? What do you talk about? How much of what you talk about is building a positive ratio of 3:1? How much is neutral and how much is a Downspiral because it’s negative and it doesn’t do you or anyone else any good?
Affirmations have become increasingly recognized ways of gaining confidence and building a positive UpSpiral of one kind or another. However, what is true is that every thought is an affirmation. With every thought we are affirming something positive or negative. And so is every conversation an affirmation of something - a direction we are telling our brain to go and a neuropathway we are constructing in the brain.
What would positive conversations be like? Have you ever listened to someone talk about what is going well in their lives, someone telling a really positive story? Have you heard how they must balance it with some negative so they don’t sound too good, or too beyond what is acceptable so as not to be accused of boasting or bragging?
Who are the people you have really positive conversations with? How many are there? Who are the people with whom you know you’re going to have a negative conversation and how many are there? Who can you tell, unreservedly, about all of the good things that are happening to you and not apologize or feel self conscious?
Scientists decided to point the Hubble telescope toward a black hole in the universe where they had assumed that nothing was happening. They discovered 100 billion galaxies there. They also discovered nesting places where stars were being created; a place where stars were coming into existence. It was hard to imagine but I actually saw the pictures that were sent from the telescope.
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The Universe outside of us is reflective of the Universe within us; billions of neurons, neuropathways, and trillions of inter-neuronal connections that are the stuff of wisdom, knowledge, and crafting our lives while we invent new worlds of human potential. Our conversations, “what we say”, are either the OCD, over and over again, same old negative stuff, or they are positive, exploring, seeking, curious, uplifting, grateful, loving, and even artful expressions of our choices of how to live and be. Our conversations are the revealing of our learned assumptions - where we grow them and where we change them. They are the garden of our potential growing and becoming in life. They are the nesting place of 100 billion new galaxies of thoughts, interconnections, and assumptions that will become the stroke of the artist’s brush or the words of a storyteller’s novel, and always the modes of relating to our neighbors.
So let’s point the telescope of inquiry here at our own black hole which is something like the conversations we engage in every day. They are really something like a black hole because they are an enormous part of our universes and we don’t pay a lot of attention to them. We certainly don’t add them up and quantify our .jpg)
conversations. But if we were to shine a telescopic light on them, we would find something like worlds being born, days being created, and lives being lived in the conversations in which we engage.
In our UpSpiraLife Groups, we are engaged in teaching people to have positive conversations for one hour. It is as innocent as pointing the Hubble telescope at what had been a black hole. The power of that one hour of positive conversation is enormous in its energy and the “galaxies of thought” it affects. It is the birthing of the stars of intention and motivation, and the sustaining of new personal growth. Just think - while it’s hard to imagine 100 billion galaxies, it is equally difficult to assess the power of 20 hours of 20 weeks of positive conversations held in group consciousness. What about a hundred hours of positive conversation? New worlds being birthed, nothing less.
Remember this, if nothing else. Our assumptions determine our behavior. Our assumptions are learned in the conversations we have. Conversation is the single MOST important place where we learn the most, for the longest time.
What is the impact of positive conversations? What would be the impact on you if you had more of them?
CONTINUING EDUCATION FOR COACHES
1) Summarize your understanding of the connections between positive conversations, Zeno Focus, and neuroplasticity. How do you see the power of positive conversations as a significant practice in increasing the neuropositive “lean” of the brain?
2) How has your training with ANI heightened your sensitivity to negative conversations and those who create them? What neuropositive tools do you use to move into an UpSpiral when you’re confronted with this kind of negativity? Illustrate your response with an example.
3) In your UpSpiraLife groups, how do you use the established 12 Steps, 12 Promises, and the 12 Ways & Means to maintain your group meetings as a consistent positive conversation? What has been your most successful group strategy in this area?
FOR OUR LARGER BLOG COMMUNITY
1) In any given day, how much time do you spend in listening to or participating in negative conversations? What do you customarily do when confronted with negative individuals who promote this kind of conversation? Tell us your story.
2) The blog mentions the amazing explorations of the Hubble telescope. What situations or individuals in your life habitually lead you into “the black hole” of negative conversations and associations? Give us an example and tell us how you have met these challenges with your natural positivity.
32 Comments
Tracy wrote on Thu Feb 23rd, 7:50pm:
I am becoming increasingly aware that a huge percentage of my conversations and the conversations I hear focus solely on the negative. What we pay attention to is what we fix in our minds (Zeno focus) and I am just beginning to realize the pervasiveness of the negativity around me. Even when striking up a benign conversation with my dental hygienist I have to stop the tendency to say “oh yes, the weather is beautiful and it is so worrisome because it didn’t snow this winter and that means climate change is really here…” My new choice to put my Zeno focus onto positive conversation is much easier to do in theory than in practice. I am watching myself dive headfirst into the pool of negativity in many of my conversations. This is going to take great discipline to change this habit. However, I am aware that I have a choice, and I need to create the new neuropathways to create positive interaction. What I am learning is that rather than struggle to think about “something good that happened today” I instead think about one of the 5 emotions in the Emotional Gym, and use it as a guide. So for example, I think about peace and I then say to a friend “I saw the most beautiful egret when I was driving by the river today” or I can think of joy and my conversation can start “I had so much fun last night going out to dinner and the movies” and etc. Accessing the emotion first gives me more immediate access to the positive “story”.
bcvalentine wrote on Thu Feb 23rd, 10:50pm:
“Our conversations, what we say, are either the OCD, over and over again, same old negative stuff, or they are positive, exploring, seeking, curious, uplifting, grateful, loving, and even artful expressions of our choices of how to live and be. Our conversations are the revealing of our learned assumptions - where we grow them and where we change them.” What does this quote from the blog mean to you? How is it true for you? Support your response with some of the OCD research from Class 5.
For many years I made a conscience effort to speak positively. At some point along the way it was no longer an effort. In conversations with friend or family members who were speaking negatively, I would, without thinking about it, say something positive or offer a different perspective about their situation, which is usually greeted with “There he goes again, looking on the bright side”.
Somewhat recently reentered the service industry and there are a lot different personalities. I have found myself at times getting caught up in negative conversations with co-workers, either about another co-worker or customers. I don’t always catch the negative talk right away because it is not always obvious, it is not always malicious, it is usually masked by humor but I can honestly say that while its happening I feel off. Something inside me stirs almost as a signal that the conversation is not in alignment with who “I AM”.
Gale STEWART wrote on Fri Feb 24th, 2:16pm:
How has your training with ANI heightened your sensitivity to negative conversations and those who create them? What neuropositive tools do you use to move into an UpSpiral when you’re confronted with this kind of negativity? Illustrate your response with an example.
I noticed today that I have less tolerance for negative conversation. I was in a website training session and during the time the computer took to upload the site, about 20 minutes, my trainer went on and on about one thing after another…all negative. I had never noticed this about him before. I’m sure he thought he was “enlightening” about the issues of which he spoke, but all it did was shut me down. The interesting thing is that he is a New Thought minister! Though, since I’ve been in New Thought, I’ve been more sensitive to negative talk, I think my sensitivity level is even greater now that I’m in the class and the UpSpiral group! Those two hours are truly an oasis for my mind! I never correlated negative self-talk with OCD before, but now I do! I have peace like a river in my mind!
Chelle wrote on Fri Feb 24th, 2:51pm:
1.) What connections do you see between Zeno focus, your optimism/pessimism scores, and the amount of time you spend engaging in positive conversations? What new choices will you commit to make as a result of your work in our class? Tell us what they are.
The past few years have been an intense journey (an intensity I now realize is Zeno Focus) of cultivating attitudes of gratitude in both my personal and professional life. One of the ‘side effects’ of this journey has been a notable increase in the ability to redirect negative conversations; both in self-talk and with conversing with others. Another noted ‘side effect’ is that to even walk into a room in which others are conversing, the conversations begin to take a more positive direction! This redirection to positivity now occurs without conscious effort, so much so that I wasn’t surprised that the outcome of my optimism/pessimism scores leaned toward high, pervasive and persistent optimism.
However, another ‘side effect’ of my gratitude journey is that it has earned me, especially among my colleagues, the nick name “Miss Merry Michelle” or ‘Miz Rah Rah” and have felt the need for some reason to almost disparage or justify my persistent optimism. Working in the Emotional Gym, gaining knowledge of the ‘why behind the how’, listening to and experiencing the support of my classmates is giving me an increasing voice of ownership – without apology to embrace with joy, be at peace and share with love my every attitude of gratitude!
Chelle wrote on Fri Feb 24th, 3:05pm:
Brent, your post resonated with many of my recent experiences with the now almost subconscious redirection of negative conversations. I appreciate your insight that many times negative conversations are masked by ‘humor”. Because of your insight, I’m going to be more conscious of the times that I passively or actively participate in masked negativity. Keep listening to your inner wisdom - it’s serving you well! :)
jlongo wrote on Sat Feb 25th, 11:37am:
What connections do you see between Zeno focus, your optimism/pessimism
scores, and the amount of time you spend engaging in positive conversations?
What new choices will you commit to make as a result of your work in our class?
Tell us what they are.
I’ve spent the past four and a half years facing issues that I had work terribly hard at eliminating in my everyday life. I married into an extremely large, female dominant family. It’s an unfortunate truth, but women love their gossip! Whether it is positive or negative but more often than not it’s the ladder. Dating back to my early childhood I can remember sitting with other little girls during recess and listening to them speak negatively about the others in the class. This overwhelming feeling of guilt would engulf me despite the fact that I wasn’t the one speaking the words. It didn’t take long for me to be ostracized from most of the clique in elementary school simply because I wouldn’t participate in such behavior. This quickly resulted in that negative talk aimed at me. As I grew up I began to surround myself with people who believed in my, loved me, encouraged me and helped me to grow.
Here I am in my early 30’s once again forced to sit in a clique of “Little Girls” and listen to them poor with negativity. It’s only natural that my attitude be bent in that direction. I began to feel extremely anxious when I knew of times I’d have to spend with the family, and those were the times I knew of. In an Italian family there is more unplanned family functions then there are planned, and believe me when I tell you there are tons of planned events. You can only imagine what this was doing to my nervous system! I had finally had enough! I began to put my beliefs into words. I changed my wording and smiled while I did this. I began to press on the positive and step over the negative which I’ve come to learn was Zeno Focus in action. My optimistic point of view had unbelievable results! They stopped talking to me. They no longer involve me in their gossip and it’s interesting that they actually whisper to each other when they feel the need to talk negatively in front of me. My new choice is to no longer feel guilty. To allow myself to embrace the change and be ok with the people who choose not to let my optimism encourage change and growth in their own life. I will also speak up and no longer allow myself to monitor my words. I will be grateful for my knowledge and ability to apply it.
jlongo wrote on Sat Feb 25th, 11:45am:
Michelle!!! Pour it out and love it up! Let your attitude bounce off of every corner and ring every bell it passes on the way! It seems as if you and I are feeling the same way about embracing our ability to brighten up a room, but I’m still finding my confidence and comfort with it. Love yourself a little more today “Miz Rah Rah”, cause I surely do! It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who’s felt self-conscious about who I am and why I am this way. The tools we have learned thus far have helped me immensely and it seems as though they have done the same for you. Continue owning your attitude, it’s absolutely beautiful! Your given nick names are a gift. They can remind you every time you hear them of how much positivity you’ve spread to each person who says them!
Gale STEWART wrote on Sat Feb 25th, 12:30pm:
It is as innocent as pointing the Hubble telescope at what had been a black hole. The power of that one hour of positive conversation is enormous in its energy and the “galaxies of thought” it affects. It is the birthing of the stars of intention and motivation, and the sustaining of new personal growth. Just think - while it’s hard to imagine 100 billion galaxies, it is equally difficult to assess the power of 20 hours of 20 weeks of positive conversations held in group consciousness. What about a hundred hours of positive conversation? New worlds being birthed, nothing less.
I am becoming more and more sensitive to these black holes. As I listen to people wherever I go…and to my husband…I realize how negative thinking predominates. It’s also insidious. How easily I fall into the trap of woe is me or ain’t it a shame! But I’m catching myself and adverting the conversation more and more. It actually hurts to be in an atmosphere of negativity. It hurts my spirt. Primarily, the black hole I experience is in my own mind. Worry was once my middle name, and though I moved out of that black hole for a while, I found myself back in it. The Emotional Gym and Certitude are helping me climb out, and stay out for longer and longer periods of time!
Dr.A wrote on Sat Feb 25th, 9:19pm:
“Our conversations, what we say, are either the OCD, over and over again, same old negative stuff, or they are positive, exploring, seeking, curious, uplifting, grateful, loving, and even artful expressions of our choices of how to live and be. Our conversations are the revealing of our learned assumptions - where we grow them and where we change them.” What does this quote from the blog mean to you? How is it true for you?
One of the most difficult parts of my work at the hospital is the negative talk, which is around every day. It is at times disguised as humor, but sadly it is intended to hurt directly or indirectly. I try very hard to not get involved in such conversations or to turn them around, to either a more positive tone full of life, up lifting, creative, etc. or simply change topic. Because of this, I am not considered a “favorite” of the almost “high schoolish” group of professionals. I know that my smile and positive attitude is not well received at times, and on occasion I have allowed myself to spiral down right along with them, in an effort to “fit in”. It can be quite unpleasant physically and emotionally to be in this negative atmosphere. Now, with a renewed breath which this class has inspired, I need to remember to keep the positive around me, and if unable to change the group mindset, then walk away with a smile as I have many times before.
Dr.A wrote on Sat Feb 25th, 9:32pm:
Gale, I agree that we do hear negative talk all around us. It seems even more obvious now that we are trying to Shift to more positive communication. I have tried to spend most of my time with people who are positive and working somehow at growth. I know I feel, happy and healthy and whole when conversation is about spirit, love, joy, art, nature, children, adventure, new learnings, all that is positive. When talk does go to negative it is about trying to help those in need, figuring out a creative way to make positive change… ahhhh…. I really do need to again choose more carefully so that my personal life is again positive, peaceful, and adventurous! :) Emotional gym make extra room… here I come!!!!!!!...
Sheila ... wrote on Sat Feb 25th, 11:04pm:
“How have the tools and concepts presented in class to date supported you in moving more in the direction of “positive deviance,” of a heightened awareness of what’s good, positive, and “heliotropic” in yourself and others?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’ve always liked myself, but lately I’ve experienced a new kind of feeling that just seems to shine out from deep inside of me. This feeling permeates all that I am and stimulates deeper, more expansive self-appreciation and a more profound sense of self-love.
This enhanced self-perspective and deeper appreciation of ‘All Things Sheila’ also seems to have fostered a perpetual ‘sighhh…’ response, a natural propensity toward prolonged well-being ‘just because’! ;-p
That’s huge for me, as for some reason I’ve always pretty much been ‘live & let live’ with others, but in regard to myself, I’ve kind of felt I wasn’t being, doing, or giving enough, even when I knew I was absolutely giving my all! A contradiction of terms that created a little tug of war within, but no more!
I now feel that I’m right on target ... with the flow ... pedaling at a rate that works for me ... I’m ok just as I am ... and I am enough! To be able to say those catch phrases and really, REALLY feel them is just so awesome, and the only thing I’ve done different in life the past bit of time is applying the NeuroPositive techniques.
Wrapping up with thoughts on the power of positive conversation and life- focuses, I had the good fortune of having a Dad who I can’t remember ever saying a negative thing. All his words were kind, happy, positive, uplifting, and progressive, and he passed this precious gift onto his five daughters to a great degree!
For most of my life I’ve enjoyed the blessing of understanding the benefits of a positive, progressive mind-set and constructive conversation, and while it might be a little bit of over-kill, I’ve yet to watch a soap opera as I didn’t want them polluting my consciousness with cheesy drama ;-}, and I haven’t watched the news for decades. My closest friends don’t gossip, and our conversation parameters are defined by the following: “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?”
Those who don’t engage in this type of mindset are still loved, of course, but kept at more of an arm’s length. I have one former work-acquaintance who is a ‘doom & gloomer’ who I haven’t had heard from since getting involved with NeuroPositive techniques, so it should be interesting when she does ring me up. Long ago I recognized her words left me drained, so I finally had to establish the same parameters I set with my therapy clients: One vent (share) per issue, laying it out, in short-form, and it needs to lead to creative solution or there’s no real use in discussing it. That seemed to work with her (kindly set into motion, not demanded) and we both hung up feeling great!
With these new principles in my tool box, next time she calls, I’ll gently share them with her by letting her know my intention for self and how it’s helped me so much already, and then lovingly ease into things with her without making demands on her own verbiage ... simply explaining where I’m at personally and then modeling it. I find that seems to work best in most cases.
I did this already with a periphery-friend, and it worked really well. This friend is a medical professional with a daily diatribe of downspiraling ‘life & death’ doings and frustrations. Each time we talked, it short-circuited his happy senses and he just felt grouchier by dwelling on such subject matter instead of engaging in some ‘feel good’ stuff.
When introducing NeuroPositive principles, after initially trying the ‘this is how it is now!’ approach which lead-ballooned all over his vulnerabilities for several weeks, I shifted gears. I’ve had great success by attempting to stay attuned to his readiness for each step after stating my personal intentions, and again, modeling them. Now, rather than feeling unloved, unheard, rejected or shut-down, he clearly understands how it all works and is daily working toward more positive conveyance & feelings!
The other night it finally clicked with him 100%! He called from the hospital saying, “I apologize for how I went on last night about my bad day at work. Today I really considered this UpSpiral you’ve been telling me about, and now I understand how much easier it is to come to solution that way. From now on, I’ll keep my vents (aka, sharing) to just laying out any issue w/o recrimination, negativity, or condemnation, I’ll keep it short, and then move into solution like you’ve suggested. Please guide me in this and help me do it right, ok? And can you teach me that pulsing stuff this weekend?”
Different strokes for different folks ... music to my ears & heart ... and his too! So that’s how it’s rollin’, and it’s feelin’ good! ;-D
Tracy wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 1:16pm:
Reading everyone’s comments I am struck by the challenge we all have of truly talking the UpSpiral talk. The cost of going against the prevailing social grain can be uncomfortable; it is difficult to feel like an outsider in one’s own family or work cohort. I comfort myself by thinking how we are pioneering a new way of human being and like all pioneers we will meet challenges along the way. I have a vision of each of us scattered across the country shining and pulsing like little beacons of beautiful light that will grow and brighten until someday we will have the whole world lit up in a positive glow.
khalberg wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 1:40pm:
One of the biggest downers of my (now former) job was the prevalent negativity! Even when I tried to bring attention to and celebrate our big wins I was the only one celebrating while everyone else was focused on the gloom & doom of what might happen or on the areas we weren’t as successful. This OCD of negativity was the most common thread across all areas! As many of you also shared, it is challenging to stand in the sea of negative conversation and thought while holding your sunny side up tall and proud!!
I am even more aware of negativity in thought and conversation now that I’m practicing zeno focus and pulsing positive emotions daily.
khalberg wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 1:45pm:
Tracy - I love your suggestion / technique to choose one of the positive emotions, then tell a story illustrating it to help bring it home. (I could feel peace myself simply by envisioning the egret flying down the river!)
Sheila ... wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 6:30pm:
;-D—‘Dr. A’ said:
“One of the most difficult parts of my work at the hospital is the negative talk, which is around every day. I try very hard to not get involved in such conversations or to turn them around, to either a more positive tone full of life, up lifting, creative, etc. or simply change topic . . . Now, with a renewed breath which this class has inspired, I need to remember to keep the positive around me, and if unable to change the group mindset, then walk away with a smile as I have many times before.”
~ ~ ~
‘Dr. A’ (Is this Angi or Angela? ;-}, kudos to you for your past posture and your present upgrade with employing NeuroPositive tools! I know from my ‘hospital pal’ that life can be ‘interesting’ in a medical facility. Adding your cameradie issue with all the existing stress-vibe aleady present, you health-care workers are definitely unsung heroes. I’m really happy you can draw from these wonderful mind & heart elevators we’re all carrying in our inner-toolbox now!
Your remarks triggered a memory of past interactions with my former In-Laws and the discomfort I sometimes felt with the conversation fare. My Mother-in-law had decided to nickname me “Pollyanna”, adding I made her lose her stomach-contents with ‘that happy thing’ I had going on ... lol. ;-}
Let’s just summarize it by saying when we had joint bday-parties with each family present, it was like a modern day “Hatfield & McCoy” wavelength-disparity dalliance, with only one side taking aim with negative ammo, with the others quite unaware because they were busy having too much fun! ;-p
Interesting dynamics from a long-gone scenario, for sure, as it was a fascinating ‘study’, say, in how both families communicated at mealtimes and what the subject matter was. Was it the ‘other people’ genre, or the ‘this is what I did today!’ variety with fun ideas flowing in every direction?
I use to politely excuse myself from my In-Law’s dinner table once I’d eaten, as the subject-matter was really not good for the soul, and my former husband would be embarrassed to find me reading a book or nursing a baby somewhere. I think if I were endowed with NeuroPositive tools today, I might’ve been able to manage those mealtime dynamics better!
Your cameradie issue reminded me of when I was still working in Corporate America prior to establishing my own health-care business. Initially, I just didn’t quite know where I fit at my last job! I worked with predominately male design-engineers, and the females from the ‘admin’ department—thinking I must be bored out of my gourd with ‘the nerds’—would invite me to lunch with ‘the girls’.
Honestly, I was a fish out of water with ‘the girls’, as once I tasted their conversation-fare, I decided I’d do best to stick with lunching with the engineers. ‘The girls’ would talk about recorded soaps, movie star doings and ‘whoever wasn’t present at lunch to defend themselves’. The engineers, on the other hand, conversed about the latest technology, books they were reading, and fascinating past/present/future travels. Even though I wasn’t an engineer, they heartily & kindly welcomed me to lunch with them (thank goodness!) so I didn’t have to die of boredom and dismay in the “Land of Dank Dining” with the gaggle of gal-gossipers. What a great ‘retro view’ of NeuroPositives at work!
Thanks again for the thought-stimulation, Dr. A., and sounds like you’re your own best friend. I hope you enjoy a happy, harmonious, UpSpiraled week to come. ;-D
Dr.A wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 8:03pm:
Thanks Sheila…yes, Dr. A is Angela :) I also have mostly felt like a fish out of water with the “girls” and have felt more comfortable in friendship with male colleagues. I am very choosy with female friends, as I cannot relate to much of the “girly” things, like gossip, the latest designer shoes, etc. I have some wonderful women friends, lifetime friends, but it is about depth…and fun of course, but healthy, smart fun!
Katherine wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 8:43pm:
Question 2 – I am fortunate in that I have taught myself to lean towards the positive in my conversations both at work and in my personal life. What I have found interesting is when I have a conversation with a negative person they are not interested in continuing the conversation because I am not apt to get on their level. An example is many years ago my younger sister had an extremely traumatic event happen in her life. For many years she became a victim. She could not tolerate speaking to me since I did not buy into the “poor me” attitude like many of her so called friends. She became addicted to drugs for a decade. It was when she went to NA meetings she was able to reprogram her thoughts through the 12 Step program. She was a good student and has been ever since. It was not until she became well again (and this I am grateful for) that we were able to have normal conversations. She is my best friend now and she tells me how I inspire her. We have wonderful positive conversations now.
When we consider what Dr. Schwartz introduced to OCD patients was the ability to change their neuropathways by using the Xeno Factor. I see the NA 12-Step program in a similar way. My sister was taken out of her drug environment creating an opportunity for her to focus on the positive aspects of getting well by way of the 12-steps. It has been over a decade now and the truth is she inspires me now.
Phillip wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 8:47pm:
I guess the answer to option one seems obvious to me. The more I practice focusing in the positive the more optimistic and less pessimistic I will be. That seems to go without saying, and of course that will be reflected in the conversations I have. I committed from the beginning to take Dr. Larkin’s challenge and minimize the negative things I allow into my mind as much as possible. I’ve stopped listening to the news (for the most part, unless it’s a positive story) and stopped listening to political talk radio. I’ve also tried to avoid negative conversations at work. This has been more difficult and I haven’t been perfect, but much improved and I like the results. I was often the instigator of negative conversations at work and the moral amongst my coworkers has been very low for sometime. As a result of trying to focus on the positive I have been more positive and optimistic. I see my current situation as temporary and that has given me hope. I’m more resilient and happier. My coworkers have also appreciated my attempts at being more positive, although they think I’m being sarcastic (and perhaps I am sometimes, but I really am trying to be positive and I am sincere), but I believe that has helped ease the tension and oppressive atmosphere at work. Laughter really is great medicine. I was surprised when I took the test that my optimism scores were as high as they were, so I’m not sure how to tie that in here. I do know that my conversations (during assessments and in general) have been much more positive since I began this work and it’s wonderful and I’m very appreciative of these tools, readings, etc.
Katherine wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 8:55pm:
Tracy I love the vision you describe “each of us scattered across the country shining and pulsing like little beacons of beautiful light that will grow and brighten until someday we will have the whole world lit up in a positive glow.” I want to be part of that quite revolution that takes over mainstream thinking and becomes the norm. Can you image the evening news showing wonderfully positive events that took place that day or newspapers that hide the bad news in the back section and highlight the good news all for ratings and newspaper sales? Or better yet, a world in which it becomes taboo to be negative. What an awesome image of the future.
kaylie.prov wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 8:56pm:
There is a direct correlation between my Zeno focus, optimism/pessimism score and the amount of time I spend engaging in positive conversations. My scores reflect a positive attitude which corresponds to the amount of time I engage in positive conversation.
Overall, I have learned to focus my efforts toward shining a positive light (perspective) on negative conversations when I encounter them because the reason/event/behavior for this negativity needs to be addressed, conquered, and understood. When an individual engages in negative conversation, I view this behavior as a cry for help expressed in a way that convinces the person s/he is supposedly deceiving others of his/her true misunderstanding and/or vulnerability.
I have noticed a pattern of behavior with negative and positive conversation that relates to the Zeno focus. When a person repeatedly holds discussions in a positive manner, s/he generally attracts positive responses and a positive “self-being”, thus, confirming “law of attraction” and the Zeno effect. By focusing on the positive, the idea/feeling/belief will never decay. It can be argued that positive attracts negative, and it to an extent it does, however, this is a display of negativity from the other person is an internal display of his of her own being which generally does not affect the positive persona (as long as the individual can identify this external intention that s/he is being subjected to). The obvious solution to this situation is to acknowledge the other person’s opinion, think about his/her intention behind it (because it actually may be a concern for your well-being which is in turn positive) and to make a logical and mature deductive conclusion. Negative conversations also live in a repetitive round-about nature which needs to be addressed. Once the individual recognizes this behavior, s/he can begin to explore positive conversations which are intriguing and interesting, thus encouraging further exploration which generally leads to a positive self-enlightenment.
In class 5, Dr. Larkin addressed the issue of worrying. Worrying is an obsessive thought which develops into a habit. Although this habit is obsessive it can be broken by understanding and conquering this fear that has developed in our mind. Generally, people worry about the improbable and blow this assumption out of proportion; allowing it to infect and disease the mind. I personally believe that everything I have previously expressed in this excerpt can “solve” and correct this learned, self-taught negative thinking pattern.
kaylie.prov wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 9:05pm:
Martin,
I can relate to your quote, “For the past several years I have been keenly aware of the tendency for many people to want to carry on negative conversations. It seemed to me that there were hardly any positive conversations at work or at social gatherings. Negative conversations were so pervasive that I avoided going to social situations if I could”. I have learned to either call people out on their behavior and begin to engage in positive conversations with them and people tend to gravitate toward me or toward positive conversations which raises eyebrows and before I know it, the entire “vibe” of the room has shifted. I feel as though it is someone’s duty to address this type of behavior and make a difference in our society so we can function on a productive level. People are rarely productive and progressive when they are consumed in negativity.
Phillip wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 9:29pm:
Reply to Katherine: That’s awesome about your sister. Unfortunately, and ironically (or now that I think about it, perhaps not so ironic having been in the mental health/illness field for many years) I realize that I was very much in the victim mentality. I was so easily overwhelmed by things not going right, etc. It’s been wonderful to begin to break out of that. I avoided taking responsibility for my own happiness for so many years. I did not want to be accountable. I did have the mindset that Dr. Larkin described that I didn’t have direct control over being happy; that positive emotions ensue rather than are pursued. It’s wonderful feeling and knowing that I can work on my emotions directly; that I can choose to be happy or not regardless of my circumstances (see Victor Frankl). Doing the emotional gym has proven that I can choose to be happy and that I can take responsibility (directly) for my emotional states and that is quite liberating. It feels great to let go of victimhood. Have I arrived? Hardly. Still have a long way to go, but again, it’s wonderful to be moving in that positive, accountable, “response-able” direction. How can optimism/hope not naturally spring from that? It’s great to have a tools for fortifying what Frankl called the greatest of human freedoms: the freedom to choose one’s mindset regardless of circumstance(s).
neuromind wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 11:33pm:
“Our conversations, what we say, are either the OCD, over and over again, same old negative stuff, or they are positive, exploring, seeking, curious, uplifting, grateful, loving, and even artful expressions of our choices of how to live and be. Our conversations are the revealing of our learned assumptions - where we grow them and where we change them.”
What does this quote from the blog mean to you? How is it true for you? Support your response with some of the OCD research from Class 5.
I’ve been very mindful of the tones in conversations, tuning in to what I focus on/what I say/etc. as well as the focus of those around me. Here’s one example:
This week I was in a coaching conversation and the client was getting ready for an interview, he said he really wanted to get the job. Throughout our conversation I was struck by how much negative talk was coming out of his mouth. I heard a steady flow of what he couldn’t do, what he wasn’t good at, weakness, weakness, weakness. I shared what I was hearing, and was able to redirect the conversation in a more positive and constructive direction. I asked to hear more about what he does well (strengths). Through this exchange he discovered it was easier to focus on the negative, and initially was at a loss on how to go positive. Once I shared some tools with him, he said “This sounds so easy (too easy)” and yet he understood there was some reframing work to be done. His negative talk stopped and he opened up to a more positive direction. By the end of the talk he had a totally different focus.
This conversation mirrors my own growing and working with the positive. Years ago someone suggested I start writing in a journal 5 good things (could be gratitude, 5 great things I did, basically come up with 5 good any-things). The first time I sat down to write I was stumped. What was positive in my day or my life? I managed to eke out one positive thing. Over time I found it easier to find more positive. Then 5 was easy, and then I noticed I didn’t stop at 5, the good things just kept coming.
As a neuroscience neophyte I’ve been hungry to learn and understand how to apply all of wondrous brain research to everyday life. In this certificate program I am now building my neuro-language and understandings. Research and relevant lessons from Quantum Science include:
1. Dr. Schwartz offers a kinder approach to working with OCD. Rather than exposing the person to contaminated materials, he offers another way. By interrupting the pattern and not activating the OCD neuropathways, these pathways will get weaker. Going at it head-on activates it and keeps it alive. For example, by focusing on the hand washing, it keeps that active and alive in the brain. What you activate you feed and keep around, when if left alone it could fade away (Heraclitus Effect). Dr. Schwartz offered an approach where you don’t feed the OCD neuronet, instead one redirects their attention to something more pleasant (continue with this to build new more positive neuropathways. This process is outlined in the Quantum Effects of Attention diagram.
2. Zeno Effect: what you focus on is what you build, and this has been shown at the molecular level. This idea of growing a positive mind rings true for me. I have found when I focus and give my energy to the positive that is exactly what I build. I feel good and I have better conversations with others. I have seen that being in this state (that I can now identify as an UpSpiral) opens me/us up to greater experiences and opportunities.
3. Musaro Emoto’s work with water and focus is interesting. The thoughts we think have been shown to change the structure of water. Hugely oversimplifying: negative thoughts were shown to form negative crystals, and positive thoughts brought about beautiful water crystals. Just think how this can be applied to our own lives. Perhaps this can suggest that the thoughts we think can make us sick.
4. Dr. Bruce Lipton’s training “The Biology of Perception” presented a convincing case that thoughts affect our health, in the negative and positive. I love that he showed things happening at the cellular level, so it became abundantly clear how the thoughts I think move me towards health and growth (our natural state) or towards protection.
neuromind wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 11:34pm:
I can relate to bcvalentine’s comments about making a conscience effort to speak positively, with “feeling off” when focused on the negative, and that it doesn’t line up with who “I AM.”
I feel very much the same. It’s nice to know that there’s someone else that has a similar experience. Thank you.
neuromind wrote on Sun Feb 26th, 11:51pm:
Tracy & Katherine,
I love the comments about the vision of the future. I would love to see a movement more towards the positive, where top news stories are about the good, with focus and conversations on what supports growth for others, and what is healthy and life-giving for us and the planet. I am seeing little glimmers of it now. What a wonderful shift that will be.
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